Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Adjusting

We are quickly adjusting to life in Salem. I feel like we have been here for months or years...not 2 1/2 weeks. Our apartment is nice enough. I have to remind myself that we still own a house and this apartment is just another stepping stone in our lives, not a permanent residence for our family. Though, my calf muscles are going to be pretty awesome after walking up and down three flights of stairs everyday. It bigger than our house and I am enjoying the huge increase in closet space. I never knew I could have such a love for closets, but I do. After many phone calls I have finally convinced the land lord that the carpet is not fit for living on and he will be replacing it with brand new carpet soon!!! Yay! Aside from the white walls (which drive me absolutely nuts) it is starting to feel like home.

On another note, I started working at Starbucks yesterday. I love it already. But I still struggle when I think about the time I will be away from the girls. Tears are frequent and almost daily for me. I have so many emotions and fears when I think about leaving the girls a few days a week, even though it is with Josh. Part of me feels like I am going to be missing out on so much of their lives, part of me is scared that maybe they don't need me and will be better off and happier being with someone else, part of me feels like I will never have time to do all of the special things I had planned to do as Maddie and Makenzie got older...little crafts and projects. I feel like I am not going to be a wonderful mom, and a wonderful wife, and a wonderful worker...I feel like I will have to be sup-par at all of them. But then I also know that this is only temporary, and I know that really it is not more than 10 or 15 hours a week that I am away when I don't count the hours they are sleeping and napping. I also know that I will come home refreshed and excited to see them, instead of counting the hours until bedtime. And I know that the Lord has provided me with a job I really enjoy, so at least if I have to be away from the girls at all, it is a blessing that it can be something I enjoy. And I know that in this economy I can be thankful that I even have a job, not to mention my first choice of jobs and one that fits into our families schedule. I am sure as the days go by and I see that I can still be a mom, and a wife, and work part time my emotions will subside.

1 comment:

  1. Oh, Steph- thanks so much for sharing your heart! I'm crying just reading it... I know that God has a perfect plan for you guys. Think of how amazing it is for the girls to have this special time with Daddy! I know my hubby struggles to make up the time he misses every day, just being at work. I'm praying for you- sounds like you need some local Mom friends! xoxo

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