The past few days I have felt like I am slacking as a wife and a mom. I am too tired to complete the tasks I am used to completing on a daily basis. My amazing husband has been picking up the slack for weeks and I am incredibly thankful for him. Instead of just being able to be thankful for the extra help I feel guilty too. Since being married I have found some of my security and worth in serving my family and when I can't do that the way I am used to or the way I think I should...I struggle. Inadequacy and guilt can manifest itself in some crazy ways... And today was the kicker. Josh and I took Madison to ballet. Before class started a girl pushed Madison and Maddie came running to me with very hurt feelings. I should have welcomed her with open arms but instead I stopped her to see what her "problem" was. In the process she knocked over my coffee, which made her extremely embarrassed. I didn't comfort her the way I should have. I wanted her to be strong, and get over it. Needless to say, we didn't make it through the first two minutes of ballet class because Madison had not recovered from the previous issues. I would love to say that at that point I came to my daughters' aid to comfort her...but still I didn't get it. I was looking at her sensitive spirit as a point of weakness that I needed to "fix". My heart breaks again, as I write this, reflecting on how I failed her. Her sensitive spirit was given to her by God, and is a attribute shared by her father. Her caring and sensitivity will bless many people are she cares for their needs and hurts when others don't. Though I don't want her to go through life feeling embarrassed whenever she knocks over a cup or draws unwanted attention to herself and I will guide her along in that, I do want her to love others and be sensitive when she is wrong or another is wronged. It is a valuable character trait. I am so thankful that Josh happened to be there and that he would able to talk me through this incident...I wish he would be there for every parenting moment where I feel like I am lacking. I am so blessed to have a husband like him and so thankful for another reminder of that today. And I am blessed to have a daughter with a sensitive spirit and genuine love for others.
3 days ago